This perfect knowledge, this sense of being wholy understood, affirmed, recognised, blessed for what one is, discovered to oneself and known to God, by God, in God repeats itself in every situation of primal trust, so that one feels only my best friend, my wife, my analyst truly inderstands me through and through.
For we must be clear that to live or love only where one can trust, where there is security and containment, where one cannot be hurt or let down, where what is pledged on words is forever binding, means really to be out of harm's way and so to be out of real life.
If one has been let down in a relationship, one is tempted to deny the value of the other person; to see, sudden and at once, the other's shadow (...) These ugly sides of the other suddenly revealed are all compensations for, an enantiodromia of, previous idealisations. The grossness of the sudden revelations indicate the previous gross unconscious of the anima.
Before betrayal the realtionship denied the anima aspect; after betrayal the realtionship is denied by the anima resentment.
Then the anima can call attention to herself only by making trouble. Gross unconsciousness of the anima is simply taking the emotional part of a relationship for granted (...) because one failed to bring overtly into a relationship the hope one had for it, the need for growing together in mutuality and with duration.
He may be unable to forgive and so remain fixated in the trauma, resentful, blind to any understanding and cut off from love.
Pikola Estes: Inability to face and untagle the Skeleton Woman is what causes many love relationships to fail. To love, one must not only be strong, but wise. Strength comes from the spirit. Wisdom comes from experience with Skeleton Woman.
If one wishes to be fed for life, one must face and develop a relationship with the Life/Death/Life nature. When we have that, we are not longer bumbling aling fishing fantasies, but are made wise about the necessary deaths and stratling births that create true realtionships. When we face Skeleton Woman we learn that passion is not something to go 'get' but rather something generated in cycles and given out. It is Skeleton Woman who demostrates that a shared living together through increase and decrease, through all endings and beginnings, is what creates an unparalleled devotional love.
If one believes that the Life/Death/Life force has no stanza beyond death, it is no wonder that some humans are frightened of commitment. They are terrified to go through even one ending. They cannot bear pass from the veranda into the inner rooms. they are fearful, for they sense that there in the breakfast room of the house of love sits Lady Death, tapping her toe, folding and refolding her gloves. Before her is a work list, on one side what is living, on the other, what is dying. She means to carry through. She means to maintain balance.
Some no longer understand that Lady Death represents an essential creation pattern. Through her loving ministrations, life is renewed.
Much of our knowledge of the Life/Death/Life nature is contaminated by our fear of death. Therefore our abilities to move with the cycles of this nature are quite frail. These forces do not 'do something' to us. They are not thieves who robs us of the things we cherish. This nature is not a hit-and-run driver who smashes what we value.
The Life/Death/Life forces are part of our own nature, part of an inner authority that knows the steps, knows the danc of Life and Death. It's compased of the aspects of ourselves who know when something can, should and must be born and when it must die. It's a deep teahcer if we can only learn its tempo.
The only real agony is the agony of not understanding
C.G. Jung
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